i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
