it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
what is it with giant penises always finding me
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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