you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
