Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
