Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
