Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
