My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
