Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
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