can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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