My hand turned me down
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
