I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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