ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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