Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
My ATM looks so different sober.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
