you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Come on in and take your pants off
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