i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
