Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
