What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
