Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Last time i carry you out of a forest
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
