not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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