Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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