I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
