mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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