I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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