i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
