need another drink. this is the easiest way
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Randomize
