he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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