i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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