You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
