What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
