I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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