I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize