you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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