I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
