Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize