I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
