i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
i've created a new STD.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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