I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
