i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
