Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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