Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
