fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
