I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize