well I can't set my house on fire every night
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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