i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
