why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
