God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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