the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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