True but thats because hes a fetus.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
