Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
