I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
