It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize