I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
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