help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
