You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize