Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
