Are we in a gay sports bar?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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