batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
