Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize