why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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