I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
