We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
