We're like a lot better than the average bears
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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