Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Randomize
