why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
