and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
