i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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