he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
