His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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