i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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