im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
