u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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