Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize