glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
