Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
