Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
