I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
