I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
