I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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