the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
